Take off your kid gloves

OJ, OJ, OJ. Actually, I’m surprised that he won this poll. Of course, we didn’t run a “Who should get what he deserves in the manner that he dished it out” poll, so maybe that explains it.

It was really surprising to me, the whole OJ episode. I guess I live in a bubble, being convinced that the truth would matter, rather than having it turned into a question of race. I mean, there’s no question that race is an issue in the US. I also didn’t think there was any question about OJ’s guilt. I have a friend who has a very good friend who is an attorney who got a look at the physical evidence afterwards. My friend’s friend told her that the evidence clearly indicated OJ’s guilt. And yet there you are. Punch him? I don’t know. Doesn’t seem right. I have to believe that somehow, some way, he’ll get his.

Speaking of living in the bubble, I don’t have any idea who Jim Rome is, nor would I have any particular reason to feel like punching David Arquette or Puff Daddy, since I recognize their names but couldn’t tell you who they are either. I certainly wouldn’t mind opening a can of whup-ass on Richard Simmons and Tom Green, they’re so horribly irritating.

But then, you know, I’m not a violent guy. My list of people I want to jack in the jaw is short. Those I really really want to get – well, I try to hire a lawyer.

As for the other winners, ah, losers, on this list, here’s some random comments:

I think I would like to punch O.J. too. It is my opinion that he was guilty as sin and got off scot-free. I don't really think that punching him is going to do any justice except some personal sense of satisfaction though.

Arquette, for those of you like Flatcat, is the guy on the AT&T commercials who acts goofier than anyone in recorded history. Plus he's married to Courtney Cox. I know the Gist would like to punch him for that reason alone.

To clear up why Picard was in this poll, I am going to copy the text from the email that nominated him. I think it sums it up nicely.

I'd like to nominate Patrick "Captain Picard" Stewart as the male celeb most deserving of a good punch in the nose. I'm sending along a recent news story that should explain why. If America isn't the land of opportunity, then why is this big-nosed ham with no hair making millions of dollars as a sex symbol when he could go back to Britain and do Shakespeare for union scale?"

NEW YORK (AP) -- Patrick Stewart has no problem speaking his mind. In the upcoming issue of George magazine, the British actor best known as Captain Jean-Luc Picard on "Star Trek: The Next Generation" blasts the United States, saying: "A lot of America's global actions stink. The U.S.'s international focus is based on money." It is "laughable that the U.S. considers itself the land of opportunity," he said. "How can you be truly free when there is so much poverty and poor education?" Last month, Stewart was forced by Actor's Equity to apologize to the producers of Arthur Miller's play "The Ride Down Mt. Morgan" after he blasted them in a post-matinee tirade for failing to promote the play. (*PERSONAL NOTE: They spent over $1 million on advertising, they just couldn't get people to go to the theater. Wonder why?)

Now I think everyone knows I am a big Star Trek: TNG fan. But I included Picard on this poll for the same reasons the reader suggested. I am all for freedom of speech. We can't have a democracy if we can't say it sucks. That's just all there is to it. But I don't know that we need an actor spewing "wisdom" about politics and society. Picard, stick to the script. When you start trying to improv, you may be getting in over your head.

Jim Rome is the sports radio star who broadcasts from "The Jungle" and who tries to be the essence of cool, spouting off catch phrases with his listeners and talking "smack" about athletes and their exploits. He is perhaps best known as the guy who got in a fight with Jim Everett, who at the time was quarterback for the Los Angeles Rams. Rome had been calling Everett "Chrissy," referring to tennis star Chris Evert. He was calling Everett this name on his radio show for a while and he had just begun to host a TV talk show on the fledgling ESPN2. Everett was a guest and they began to bark at each other a bit. It escalated until Everett told Rome in no uncertain terms that he would "come across the table if he called him 'Chrissy' again." Well, to Rome's credit, he didn't back down. He called him "Chrissy" again and, to Everett's credit, he fulfilled his promise. They tussled a bit and it made the news for about a week. Not long after, Rome's show was cancelled. Maybe he should have had a fight every week. Hey, it worked for Springer.

I disagree about Carrey. I think he is funny as hell and has never done anything in my mind that would make him punchworthy. But hey, that's why I ask for noms. Ditto Affleck and Damon. I like them both. I am indifferent to Puff Daddy and was surprised to see him finish so high. I actually like that he samples a lot of the 80's tunes with which I grew up.

Chris Tucker really makes me laugh. He just really cracks me up with his whole schtick. No desire to punch him. Ditto Robin Williams and Bill Murray. Funny guys, not punchable guys.

One more thought. I have to say Flatcat's right about Aniston. Oh, she's been a bad girl, a very bad girl. It's time for a spanking.

Poll Topic: Male Celebrity you would most like to slug
O.J. Simpson	19.7% - (136 Votes)
David Arquette	10.4% - (72 Votes)
Puff Daddy	9.2% - (64 Votes)
Bobby Knight	6% - (42 Votes)
Jim Rome	5.5% - (38 Votes)
Regis Philbin	5% - (35 Votes)
Tom Green	4.9% - (34 Votes)
Richard Simmons	4.4% - (31 Votes)
Donald Trump	3.7% - (26 Votes)
Jim Carrey	3.3% - (23 Votes)
Hugh Grant	3.1% - (22 Votes)
Mike Tyson	2.4% - (17 Votes)
Jean-Claude Van Damme	2.4% - (17 Votes)
William Shatner	2.3% - (16 Votes)
Dan Rather	1.7% - (12 Votes)
Vince McMahon	1.7% - (12 Votes)
Steven Seagal	1.5% - (11 Votes)
Val Kilmer	1.5% - (11 Votes)
Ben Affleck	1.3% - (9 Votes)
Albert Belle	1.1% - (8 Votes)
Matt Damon	1% - (7 Votes)
Chris Tucker	0.8% - (6 Votes)
Robin Williams	0.8% - (6 Votes)
Charlie Sheen	0.8% - (6 Votes)
Kevin Costner	0.5% - (4 Votes)
Richard Dreyfuss	0.5% - (4 Votes)
Garry Shandling	0.4% - (3 Votes)
George Clooney	0.4% - (3 Votes)
Patrick Stewart	0.4% - (3 Votes)
Jeremy Beadle	0.4% - (3 Votes)
Jimmy Connors	0.2% - (2 Votes)
Keith Richards	0.2% - (2 Votes)
Matthew Perry	0.1% - (1 Votes)
Judd Nelson	0.1% - (1 Votes)
James Caan	0.1% - (1 Votes)
Emilio Estevez	0.1% - (1 Votes)
Drew Carey	0.1% - (1 Votes)
Bill Murray	0% - (0 Votes)
Harvey Keitel	0% - (0 Votes)
Joe Don Baker	0% - (0 Votes)
Mick Jagger	0% - (0 Votes)
David Strathairn	0% - (0 Votes)
Total Votes: 690

Take Off Your Kid Gloves