Smithers, release the hounds
Charles Montgomery Burns, brother of George, has a long and
storied history in the town of Springfield. He may be as old as
Jebediah Springfield himself. No one is quite sure. He is by far
the town's richest citizen and also has its blackest heart. Even
when he tries to be good, he ends up being evil. See "Lil'
Lisa's Slurry" for a prime example. In that episode, Lisa
helped Mr. Burns regain his lost fortune by starting a recycling
plant. When she told him that fish get caught in six pack holders,
he strung together a million of them and emptied the seas,
grinding up the fish to make the "slurry", which he
then sold as a number of different products. He can't help
himself. He's just bad, and that's how we love him.
Sometimes his badness gets him in trouble. He has been shot,
albeit "accidentally" by Maggie, and his expectoration
of the Fun House's own Blinky the three eyed fish dashed his
political aspirations. He does have a soft side though. His love
for "Bobo the Bear" is unconditional, although he
always seems to lose him. And when he goes for his weekly medical
treatment to "cheat death for another week", he is
overcome with the need to sing Scoop's favorite song, "Good
Morning Starshine".
Even with all of his terrible qualities, there is at least one
person who loves him for who he is. Waylon, you know who you are.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. Wait a sec, I am
getting my sitcoms mixed up here.
The second place finisher genuinely surprised me. I had no
idea Groundskeeper Willie was so popular. He is rarely on the
show and when he is, it's usually only for a second. Maybe
everyone that voted for him lives in Scotland. I don't know how
else to explain it. He's good. I just didn't think he was
featured very prominently or often enough for him to get this
kind of support.
My choice was Sideshow Bob. I love all of the episodes that
feature him. Kelsey Grammer does a fantastic job and the "Cape
Fear" sendup is my favorite Simpsons episode of all time. My
favorite Sideshow Bob line comes from the episode where he is
going to destroy television in Springfield and he kidnaps Bart
and escapes in the Wright Brothers plane. He looks at Bart and
says "Ah for the days when aviation was a gentleman's
pursuit. Back before any Joe Sweatsock could stuff himself behind
a lunch tray and jet off to Raleigh-Durham." Imagine that
line in the affected Middle Atlantic voice of Kelsey Grammer and
you've got comedy gold.
I don't really want to get into why "The Simpsons"
is the best show on television, and maybe the best show ever. I
will save that for when it wins "Best TV show". I just
wondered which characters made the biggest impression. Willie was
the only top five finisher that shocked me. I was also surprised
to see Professor John "Flavin" Frink receive remarkably
sparse support. I received a plethora of emails nominating him.
He received more noms than votes. Things that make you go hmmm.
There are so many good Simpsons characters that it was hard to
choose just one. I guess that makes for a good poll. I would like
to do other Simpsons themed polls. Any ideas from you readers?
What would be a good theme?
The new poll gets us back into the arena where we can show
some sexy pics in the follow up. Who is the sexiest female
musician? Thanks for all the noms. I tried to include a wide
variety of styles, while sticking to mostly mainstream selections.
I will run pics of the top five or ten if I can find good ones,
so stay tuned.
Sunday's poll will go back to the diamond. We have our
pitchers and outfielders, now we start on the infield. Who was
the best first baseman of all time? I think I can handle the noms
on this one. Plus it gives Scoop another opportunity to dazzle us
with his extraordinary baseball knowledge.
Comments, suggestions, and nominees to lawdogusc@hotmail.com.
You can also write to Flatcat at flatcat90@hotmail.com and
the Gist at the_gist@hotmail.com.
Poll
Topic: Favorite Supporting Character on "The
Simpsons"
|
| Charles
Montgomery Burns |
 12.5% - (98 Votes) |
| Groundskeeper
Willie |
9.8% - (77 Votes) |
| Ralph
Wiggum |
7.6% - (60 Votes) |
| Apu
Nahasapeemapetilon |
7.5% - (59 Votes) |
| Krusty
the Clown |
7.1% - (56 Votes) |
| Troy
McClure |
5.7% - (45 Votes) |
| Barney
Gumbel |
5.6% - (44 Votes) |
| Grampa
Simpson |
5.6% - (44 Votes) |
| Comic
Book Store Clerk |
4.4% - (35 Votes) |
| Sideshow
Bob Terwilliger |
4.3% - (34 Votes) |
| Ned
Flanders |
4% - (32 Votes) |
| Itchy
and Scratchy |
3.9% - (31 Votes) |
| Moe
Syzlak |
3.3% - (26 Votes) |
| Otto
the Bus Driver |
2.2% - (18 Votes) |
| Chief
Clancy Wiggum |
1.9% - (15 Votes) |
| Milhouse
Van Houten |
1.9% - (15 Votes) |
| Waylon
Smithers |
1.7% - (14 Votes) |
| Lionel
Hutz |
1.6% - (13 Votes) |
| Dr.
Nick Riviera |
1.6% - (13 Votes) |
| Lenny
and Carl |
1.4% - (11 Votes) |
| Professor
John Frink |
1.1% - (9 Votes) |
| Snake
the Criminal |
1.1% - (9 Votes) |
| Mayor
Joe Quimby |
0.7% - (6 Votes) |
| Nelson
Muntz |
0.6% - (5 Votes) |
| Dr.
Julius Hibbert |
0.3% - (3 Votes) |
| Kent
Brockman |
0.3% - (3 Votes) |
| Fat
Tony DiMicco |
0.2% - (2 Votes) |
| Lunch
Lady Doris |
0.2% - (2 Votes) |
| Reverend
Tim Lovejoy |
0.1% - (1 Votes) |
| Selma
and Patty Bouvier |
0.1% - (1 Votes) |
| Cletus,
the slack jawed yokel |
0.1% - (1 Votes) |
| Kodos
and Kang |
0.1% - (1 Votes) |
| Principal
Seymour Skinner |
0.1% - (1 Votes) |
| Martin
Prince |
0% - (0 Votes) |
| Edna
Krabappel |
0% - (0 Votes) |
Total Votes: 784 |